I did not know how I would survive even one day, one hour, one minute ,one second, and yet I survived.
I did not understand how the world still turned without you in it, and yet it did turn.
I wanted so much to come and find you, to be with you,
I searched for you, but I did not find you in my searching,
only when I became so exhausted and I became still, did I feel your presence.
I still search for you, in every sunrise, in every sunset, in the clouds, in rain, in birds, in signs like feathers or coins, heart shaped stones or songs, but it is in the moments my mind is quietened, I hear your voice.
Two whole years have passed and there are times when I crumble, when I cry out, where are you?,
I do know you are here, I really do,
but Matthew those hugs, I miss you so very much.
I just wanted to write you my love on your Matthew’s day as your brother calls it.
Love you sweetpea,
always and forever loved.