As I sit at the kitchen table in the late afternoon, sunlight scatters across the table, it looks so bright , I glance out the window and I see a robin at the bird bath, it makes me smile, it reminds me of you, i’m sure you send me robins to remind me you are still close, I turn and run my fingers over your photo hanging just beside me on the wall, dad and I moved the table back to the centre of the kitchen recently, but I missed you beside me so much we moved it back again. I’m always working at the table, writing or studying and I like that I feel close to you when i’m there, you at your desk in London in the photo and me at mine in the kitchen. Almost two years now, but I feel you are always still with us, I think one day I will look up and you will say “hey mum, come on its time to go now ” and we will just step through that door I see in my dreams sometimes, but for real this time.

Your eldest brother got a new car recently, he is so chuffed, I bet you would like it for sure, he came over to show us and I could see you leaning on the car door running your hand over the frame, telling him what a real beauty he got .

Your sister got a good job this week, just what she was looking for, not too many hours, fits in perfect with the kids, you are beside her saying well done sis you’re a star!, not to mention the 89% she got on her European economics assignment!. Your brother in law plays those games online that have all those fantastical graphics, I was always astounded at the art you created from graphics, you two have loads in common.

I see you helping with the shed raising we did recently, handing your brother the tools and helping your sister in law with the little one and I see you when your sister in law is taking amazing photographs, and I think of the ones you would send. Those two are also setting up a Matthew’s bar in their garden, guess you are going to like that one 😄.

I know you would be laughing, holding your head as your other brother take his new scooter out at the skateboard park and I see you give Georgie a hug as you both stand and watch his antics.

They are all doing brilliantly, all your brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews and I see you at every turn, you are there when Snowdon takes first steps around the garden, when Jacob saves a goal, when Max gets a detention!, you are there when Jessica takes her new kick boxing class, when Becca’s working hard serving burgers at Mc Donalds and Leon is making midnight food raids on the kitchen.

I still think you at the end of your brother and sister in laws breakfast bar doing those jager bombs that Christmas, the one before you went ahead, and your sister in law is still cooking up those amazing fudge shortbreads and chocolate eclairs she did for your birthday, and I just know you are there in that kitchen still knocking back those jager bombs and watching her cook today.

I started to write today because of something I read got me thinking, because its something i do everyday, it read

I touch the things I know you touched, and I feel for the echoes of you, I walk along the road from Tehidy to the little corner stores knowing you walked the same road, I sit and stare at the fields out back knowing you sat and watched the same fields and same night skies, and i sit on the sofa watching the firelight dance knowing you are dancing now in heaven and one day we will all dance together once more as we plan new adventures together.