When we moved from London to Cornwall last March, we arrived running, we had had plans of just sleeping on the floor and finding the soul of the house before putting it together. But an urgent call the week we were moving, had us miles away from home, so everything from the house got thrown in the back of our sons van as we hurried to vacate the morning after the night we arrived back and it all got spewed out again and unceremoniously dumped the other end, with family and friends staying over with us since, we hurried to get everywhere kitted out and the house running so it would be comfortable.
The year has run away with us since then and we have had highs and we have had lows, the same as all folk do, but somewhere along the way in the busyness of life I managed to loose touch with the deepest part of my soul.
Today we took some time out, GD and I, just to walk along the beach, we found a rocky shelter and we cuddled up close watching the windsurfers, the waves, the sun, the dogs running hither and tither and other beach walkers walking in the weak afternoon sunshine.
The thought found me and resonated around my head much like the constant sound of tinnitus that plagues me now,
‘ it is enough’ .
By that I mean it is enough being who I am, being with GD, being here in Cornwall. It’s all enough. I don’t need to have a work title to define me, ‘an aromatherapist’,’ a reflexologist’, I don’t need to have everything just so, so all our visitors have everything all the time, its enough to just be.
I have felt since the new year that it is the time to let roles and expectation drop away.
It is time over the next few weeks to prepare our selves as if we were just moving this March instead of last March. To remember what rocks our world, what make time fly when we are doing it, what fills the cup and does not depleat it.To remember the joy of cooking, not because I need to fill a freezer but because I want to feel the energy of the fruit or the vegetable, to see its colour, feel its texture, smell its aroma, taste its flavours, almost as if in slow motion, sound, sight, senses heightened. Busyness can dull awareness, it can suck joy out of living, even the good parts, being fatigued and not even knowing it, leaving you just going through the motions with little room for emotion.
When all ‘is enough’ how good does that feel !. It is good to feel satisfied, content, to not be desirous of that which is outside.
GD and I went further up the beach to the cliff, to a mossy green blanket of grass that dips at the top offering a sheltered uninterrupted view out to sea. We were wrapped in russian hats and fur hooded parkers against the chill wind but the sun warmed our faces as it fell over us, as I looked out from our cosy nest the sun was reflecting on the shimmering waters, the waves rolling and rolling, spraying, cascading, the breaking waves looked like horses racing across the sea as they broke on the rocks and frollicked up the stoney shoreline. Some fishermen were out on a little boat in the bay and two men were fishing from the shore, I was sorry not to have remembered the card for my camera, but maybe it was time for just GD and I .
I hope I never forget this feeling, this truth that ‘it is enough’.
I am convinced that the highest attainment in this life is to be love in the world. So that is the only thing I strive for, I once saw that written on a head stone, the name of the person and then ‘was love in this world’, if that could be on mine then I would be very happy.
So GD and I are back to the allotment now and looking forward to getting some seed potatoes and onions in next month and some tomato seeds sown and we will both be posting our experiments with bread making over the coming weeks